A candle that burns twice as bright, burns half as long--

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Is anyone still out there??

Is anyone still out there?  Does anyone check this site to see photos of Megan?  I have to say that as the years go by, I visit the site less and less.  I wish I had recent photos to post but of course I don't.  I wish I had new stories to write about Megan but I don't have those either.  All I have is memories.  That's all we have left when someone dies.

We are given only one direction to go in life, and that is forward.  Besides losing Megan, that concept was one of the hardest to get used to.  Time just keeps marching on.  When she died, I just wished that time could stand still so I could process the loss, to get used to the idea.  But time just keeps ticking, and life continued to go on.  It was so hard, because I wanted to just stop the world , so I could catch my breath and realize what happened, but that was impossible.  But truthfully, if I even did have that option, I realize now that it would not have helped me accept that she wasn't coming home any faster.

People have told me over the past 7 years, that I am strong and maybe even inspirational.  I'm okay with that description but truthfully, having Matt and Madison kept me going.  It would have broken my heart if they not only lost their sister, but that their mom lost it, too.  But believe me, I did have those days when I wondered if I would survive, but I did.

I do have moments though, when I re-live the day she died, or the days and weeks following.  I still have images and thoughts that take my breath away.  But those are only moments now, no longer hours or days of emotional and physical pain.  Just moments.

It was a crazy time.  We had so many people at our home for months to follow.  I always said that Megan would have loved to be there.  Megan's friends came to hang out with Madison and Matt and I was so appreciative that they brought their youthful spirits into the house.  People brought dinner every day for us.  I wasn't too hungry but I was so, so happy that the kids were getting fed.  We even had a friend come who took out our trash everyday for us.  In the first couple of years after she died, simple things became difficult to accomplish.  I felt like I was walking through thick mud.  Everything took extra effort to get done.  It was hard to stay consistent with any routine.  It was as if my routine was written on paper and that paper was torn into pieces and thrown up in the air.  I felt like I was always trying to catch the papers and put it all back together, but somehow the pieces didn't fit anymore.  Sounds crazy, I know, but that is the only way I can explain it.

So seven years has gone by without Megan and I wonder what she would have been like.  Where would she have gone to school, what would she look like, what would our relationship be like?  There are so many questions that will never be answered. But I do accept that is the way it is.  I'll never know.  But I can imagine.

This site has always been about Megan, but this post is more about me.  I am not exactly sure why I felt compelled to write this much.  I do enjoy reading the old posts on this site and would like to figure out a way to print everything out so I have a hard copy of it.  I am actually afraid that this site might disappear sometime into cyberspace.

If you are reading this, it means that you are still visiting the site and thinking about Megan.  Thanks for that.  I always hope to keep her memory alive.

23 comments:

Micaela Campagna said...

Thinking of her today & always.
Micaela

Micaela Campagna said...

Thinking of nee today & our last race.
Micaela

Anonymous said...

She is in our family's thoughts and prayers, Gail.
D.S.

T2 said...

GMM....when you have only 14 yrs to pull from, every piece of her is precious, including your thoughts and words....keep it going...even if its just for you!!!

XX
TLT

Marni said...

Think of our dana cross country angel often
As the kids look forward to a race tomorrow I know megan will be the winging on their feet

btmertes said...

Thinking of your family today after hearing the story of a student saved by the AED your efforts placed at Aliso Niguel High School!!! Megan is surly smiling. I hope it brings comfort to you to Hugs
Karen Wentworth
I worked for the AHA and attended the Capo Valley Board meeting when you presented your initial donation.)

Anonymous said...

Your Megan is still in our hearts! Thinking of her & all of you often. : )

McKinney Family said...

Thank you for your determination and succeeding in having AEDs placed in schools and especially at Aliso Niguel High School. It goes without saying your brilliant foresight, fostered by your family's grief and compassion, truly led to saving this child's life. I hope your
family can find some comfort and peace in knowing this. As the previous person wrote, Megan is surly smiling.
P.S. I just discovered this site and I think it is amazing and so heartfelt. Thank you for sharing.

Myers Family said...

Thanks so much!! I am so happy that you visited this site and thanks for such kind words!! Gail

Angie Gloria said...

I went to Malcom,and Niguel and Dana with Megan as well and I visit this site once in a while :). I admire and miss her so much :).

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to see you post!

kestralwing said...

Thanks for posting this. I check in every now and then. I do remember her, and so clearly. One memory: when Jackie brought her up to Bellingham, and they stayed at the Chrysalis -- the deluxe spa hotel in town -- and I joined them for dinner. It was such a special time, she was so delightful, and it meant so much to me to see the special love between the two of them.

When the pain of losing someone you love so much (in my case my brother Mike) just clutches my heart, I try to remember that you can only feel so deeply because you loved so deeply. It doesn't reduce the pain, but it can be a comfort.

Matt and Madison have grown into such wonderful people! I hope you have much joy with them. And Megan will always be remembered by Dave and me and Betsy.

many hugs, dear. you are indeed very brave.

love, Nancy

Rob Smolund said...

Thinking of you Gail and your family. Sending love and peace your way.
Rob from Minnesota

Anonymous said...

I just saw your story on the Meredith Vieria Show. I just wanted to say how sorry I am about the loss of your beautiful daughter. I am sure there are no words that can lessen the pain. Your efforts with getting the defibrillators into schools is such a wonderful way to do something positive, and watching you talk to the mother and son was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story....I hadn't heard it before and I am now encouraged to go do something positive today.

Anonymous said...

Dear Myers family,
I learned about your story today and I am in tears over your loss. I mourn with you. And I am so amazed and inspired by your efforts to have an AED present in schools. And yes, people are still reading. So even if you don't post anything on the site for a while, it's ok.

Tony Tribolet said...

Think of her daily!

Danielle Arduino said...

Today I am thinking about Megan.

I coach at a high school in San Jose and yesterday they lost a student athlete.

The legacy and life of Megan will help me console them this afternoon.

Megan is always in my heart, and so is your family.

Anonymous said...

My love and prayers are with you and your precious family.

flash2177 said...

I was watching a TV show "Final 24" about Nicole Simpson's life. I learned she attended Dana Hills back in the days, which prompted me to look up some information about the school.

I was born and raised in San Clemente. My grandparents (God bless them and may they rest in peace) owned a house in Dana Point near Stonehill Drive. My uncle (who happened to attend Dana Hills where he was a star volleyball player back in the days) now resides there taking care of the house. I still visit him and his family from time to time.

Anyway upon visiting Wikipedia, Megan's story stood out. I was shocked and saddened to read about this today. I saw your posts and Megan's pictures. It was hard keeping my tears in, but I couldn't hold them. For someone so special and so young, that truly makes me want to become a better coach for my students at a school for the deaf where I teach in Los Angeles. And even more so, this made me cherish life even more than ever before.

I wish to thank you for sharing your precious Megan Myers to the world so that we could all learn from her on how we can live our life to the fullest. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers... Thank you again...

Casey

Tamara said...

❤️❤️❤️

Anonymous said...

Megan and I were friends at Niguel Hills, I cannot believe it has been so many years since then. I think of her often and miss her dearly. Her memory is alive in the people who love her. Your family remains in my prayers.

Jeanette Zaleski said...

Thinking about beautiful Megan on this Thanksgiving day and feeling so much gratitude for her beautiful and inspiring life that will live on forever. I am so grateful for her amazing light that continues to shine on in our hearts and lives.

Jeanette Zaleski said...

Thinking about beautiful Megan on this Thanksgiving day and feeling so much gratitude for her beautiful and inspiring life that will live on forever. I am so grateful for her amazing light that continues to shine on in our hearts and lives.